“As I approached the road to Hell, I feared the worst…”
I was recently hired by Aerotech Int Ltd to conduct a mid-lease inspection, on an aircraft in Birmingham, to ensure that the operator was looking after and maintaining the aeroplane as per the lease agreement. I made my way up at 3 pm on a sweltering Friday.
The M25 is an abomination that can quickly reduce people to utter despair. Traffic was already bad in the opposite direction, heading to Dorking. So, as I approached that road to Hell, I feared the worst. It was empty, except for me and three other cars. A welcome sight and yet unnerving at the same time! The other side was gridlocked, stretching to the horizon in both directions. I knew it was only a matter of time before that was me.
British Airports were currently in a state of total bedlam (again) and the chaos had spilt out onto the motorways, and sure enough, I became caught in gridlock as soon as I reached Heathrow. But we had air conditioning with sunshine, good music, a full tank of petrol and an empty bladder, so we were all good! Once I pulled free of the Heathrow clog it was a smooth drive up to Birmingham. My attempts to find my hotel, however, were not so smooth. After several tours around the National Exhibition Centre (NEC), I decided that my satnav was about as useful as tits on a fish, so I asked a security guard how to find my hotel. His directions were first class. I checked into my hotel, and I paid for my parking – 12 hours, which meant I was out of here by 6:30 the next morning, being back home on a Saturday before midday suited me just fine! Once I was in my room, I freshened up and had some dinner, before heading out to work. The front desk directed me to Birmingham Airport, and I took a short walk to the train station and then hopped on the monorail.
When I got to Birmingham Airport, I went to the agreed meeting spot outside Frankie & Benny’s. After waiting a while, I made a few calls with no success. It’s 9 pm on a Friday and I become suddenly aware that all the contact numbers I have are office numbers, so I decided to go and look around. I came across a security guard and a check-in agent sitting off to the side, probably hiding from the furious passengers who were roaming the terminal, looking for someone to scream at. The check-in agent gave me the number for operations information. ‘They have all the numbers.’ She said to me with a knowing look. She was right! They put me through, and it turns out there were two wrong digits in the contact number they gave me. About ten minutes later, I was greeted by Mick, who handed me my temporary pass and a high-vis vest. Mick took me through the staff security entrance, and we quietly stepped into the departure area.
I think the Devil had built an extension in Birmingham without the Pope’s knowledge, it must have been 24 degrees inside! The entire terminal was a sprawling soup of people, all of them hot and exhausted. The AC was non-existent, along with any feeling resembling hope. This was not a place to dawdle whilst wearing a security pass and high-vis vest! We moved quickly and quietly so as not to disturb, through the departure lounge and down to the far end of the terminal.
Mick used his pass to get through several security doors and we made our way to the engineering office. Mick made me a coffee and then led me out of the aircraft which was sitting on the tarmac. There were two guys already working on it, Mick explained to them who I was and what I was doing there and asked them to look after me and keep an eye on me. I get to work in the flight deck whilst the other two guys finish up in the cabin. I take my pictures and work through my checklists. My main areas of focus are the owner’s data plate, the safety equipment, and the overall condition of the flight deck. I take pictures of all the plates and then photograph sections of the aircraft interior. Then I head outside. I checked with my two minders if it was okay to do so and they agreed, provided I didn’t go anywhere near the runway!
I went through my exterior checks, landing gear, wings, and fuselage, taking pictures as I went. Then I asked if they could open the engine cowls for me so I could take pictures of the engine data plates. I made sure I didn’t go anywhere near the exhausts themselves, as this aircraft only landed an hour ago and so they are still about 200 degrees! I checked the APU and took note of some repairs done to the fuselage, taking pictures of both. The entire inspection took just over two hours, so I finished up at midnight. My two minders kindly drove me back to the engineering office and Mick led me back through the terminal. There are slightly fewer people in the departure lounge now but still a lot more than normal. All of them are sweating and incensed and I feel an immense amount of relief as I clear staff security and hand return my pass and vest. The journey back on the monorail was somewhat eventful as about halfway through, the train makes an emergency stop and I am nearly thrown out of my seat and against the window! As my fellow passengers and I picked ourselves up, a voice came over the tannoy stating in a thick, Birmingham accent, ‘Do not leave the monorail. You are safe.’
Good to know! The train then started up again but crawled the rest of the way at a quarter of its normal speed.
Once my train had finally got me back, my first port of call was the bar which was, to my delight, still open. I had a beautiful, chilled pint of lager and silently toasted the condemned souls melting in the terminal, “May their torment end swiftly and fair winds carry them safely to their destination”. I returned to my room and awoke the next day bright and early at 5:15.
I headed to check out and after a brief exchange with the front desk over the car park details, and a lengthy walk to my car, I left Birmingham and headed home. There seems to be some kind of ‘Dead Zone’ around the NEC, as the map app proved reliably useless. Luckily my eyes still work fine, as did all the road signs. The drive from Birmingham was quiet and peaceful, and I arrived back home at around 8:50 in the morning. Not bad for an 18-hour job! I dread to think how many of those passengers were still stranded in that departure lounge at this point!
If you would like to know more or book Dalriada Aerospace for an inspection then please get in touch via our contact page.
